Bamos a la Playa…Cabana

Hola! Feliz Viernes! Como esta senors y senoritas? Three months of spanish lessons and that’s about the extent of my learning. Oh well, that’s better than Carla I guess…she’s Mexican and can’t even speak a single word of her native tongue!

I have a flight to Florida that leaves in 7 hours so let’s not waste time. While you’re reading this I’ll be playing golf in 40 degree heat and suffering from a severe condition with an unfortunate name. But I digress. How about we talk tacos? That’s right this week Snarls and I are posting about Barrio Coreano – one of the Playa Cabana restaurants.

Carla and I were both pumped because we’re on the same page when it comes to Mexican food. Except for one thing…cilantro. Pardon my Spanish but el cilantro es el DIABLO! I FUCKIN HATE IT! This is when all you jackasses who love it jump in with your fancy “oh my goodness how can you hate it, cilantro accentuates the flavours and…” blah blah blah shut up. You’re dumb. It makes everything taste like soap and I wish I had my own country that I ruled with an iron fist, where people would do my bidding while I sat on a great throne and just laughed and laughed all day long. Oh and cilantro would be banned.

So I told our waitress I didn’t like cilantro. She said no problem. Here’s the food!

photo 1_2

The King of Cluck. The President of poultry. The…best damn thing we’ve eaten since we started pretending we know about food. Two big pieces of juicy boneless fried chicken that blew my tiny little mind. Carla and I ate in stoic silence and then I went and changed my underwear.

photo 2_2For me Calamari is like a guy you were kind of friends with in high school. Nice to see once in a while, but in the end you’d rather just spend your time with something more reliable like a nice Julien Favre. But for Calamarla…well, not getting Calamari especially when it’s been recommended by the waitress would be forsquidden. (See what I did there?) Unfortunately it didn’t really deliver. Not much flavour and pretty rubbery…might have just caught it on a bad day.

photo 3_2Described as General Tao chicken in a taco, I immediately screamed “GIVE ME 700“! Instead we got one each. Again, we hate saying this because it makes us seem like we’re food snobs or something, but it just really wasn’t that good. It came loaded with deep fried chicken, but just didn’t have much else going on. The sauce was wasabi based and so powerful so really you just tasted taco shell, deep fried chicken and wasabi.

photo 4_2I got this one. It was a spicy pork belly taco and while it was better than the Kampungki, it still wasn’t what I hoped. I have a theory though, maybe the fried chicken was just so good that nothing else could live up to it? Or maybe the person making the tacos heard my “hold the cilantro” request and decided I was unworthy? There’s also the very real possibility that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

photo 5_2Kalbarla got this one.
“Carla, how was the Kalbi Beef taco?”
“Meh.”
“I need more than that, our readers are fickle, slack-jawed yokels.”
“It was ok but didn’t really taste like Kalbi.”
“Well I suppose you would know…”
“You’re racist.”
So as you can see the Kalbi beef taco wasn’t a huge hit either.

Time to tally-up the score:

Fried Chicken: 46 soiled underpants out of 51
Grilled Calamari: 27 Julien Favres out of 44
Kampungki Taco: 17 how do you pronounce thats out of 29
Spicy Carnita Taco: 19 I’m naming my first daughter ‘spicy carnita’s out of 29
Kalbi Beef Taco: 20 Cletus’ out of 29

Barrio Coreano gets a lowish score of 129/182. But let’s not forget that good-ass fried chicken, and my general ineptness as both a food critic and a human. Enjoy the long weekend everyone!

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