Beef-fed Grass

I have returned from the promised land…aka Florida. Where 5 beers at a bowling alley will run you about $8.50. Where you can cram your craw with $2 Big Mac’s every Monday. And where the dollar menus flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

However bathing in alcohol and grease for 6 days has its downsides. Who knew? Well apparently Carla…
C: “So Florida was fun?”
E: “It was awesome! Oh man everything’s so cheap there, it’s crazy they-“
C: “-you got fat.”

For this week’s post we gave my waist line a break, and went somewhere a little different. Our selection was especially unique for Carla who was raised on a steady diet of meat in a meat sauce with a side of meat and a nice tall, cool glass of meat to wash it all down.

So we decided to go to the most unhealthy vegan restaurant we could find. Buckle up as FLHB visits The Hogtown Vegan on Bloor.

We got:


Now I think Carla and I both had the same concern with the poutine. Obviously not the fries. Not so much the gravy either because mushroom gravy can be damn good. But a Vladimir Poutine just ain’t the same without some good-ass cheese! Our concerns proved to be unjustified. I had to physically stop myself from filling up before the rest of the food arrived. Be proud Canadians, the Vancouver-based company Daiya makes some good-ass fake cheese.


“Unchicken strips” w/ a BBQ sauce, mac ‘n cheese and collared greens. A nice Southern meal for a nice Southern boy (REPRESENT South-East Oakville REPRESENT). I wasn’t a big fan of the collared greens but I think that might just be me not really liking collared greens. The mac’ n cheese was good and the unchicken strips were cooked and breaded perfectly. Would I have liked it better with real chicken and real cheese? Yep…but I don’t think that’s too bold a statement.


Vegarla got this one. It’s their signature dish and I can see why. Carla was a fan of everything (#nosurprisethere #howisshenot300pounds). As she tore her meal to pieces a few scraps landed in my general direction so I hissed at her and scooped them up. The maple glaze made me want to find the maple tree that it came from and have my way with it. The corn waffles were light and fluffy and made me want to take a nap on them after I’d finished with the maple tree.

C: “What score are you going to give?”
E: “Hold your horses I’m figuring it out.”
C: “You got fat.”

Dammit Carla I’m husky, there’s a difference! Anyhoo…here’s the final score:

Poutine: 43,647 blubbers flying out of 55,777
Southern Combo: 39,234 look at this big things out of 54,908
Unchicken & Waffles: 46,411 vegetarian diets out of 56,992

The Hogtown Vegan scores a respectable score of 129,292 out of 167,677. So even if you’re not a vegetarian/vegan… give it a shot and let us know what you think. Now let’s all enjoy a nice, tall, cool glass of meat! Happy Friday everyone!


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