Carla Sutra

Recently a fine young friend of mine sent me an interesting article on Lockheed’s bold announcement that they’re working on a fusion reactor that could be ready for commercial use in as little as 10 years. Now what the hell does this have to do with a stupid food blog and Carla’s bottomless pit of a stomach? Well for this week’s post we went to Sutra…an Indian/Asian FUSION restaurant!

Probably my best intro yet. Anyhoo, Sutra is a small restaurant on Roncesvalles with one very key feature…they offer a Groupon. Don’t judge, I have a hardcore Salvia addiction and that shit ain’t cheap. Carla was pretty excited about this one – my guess is because she is either Indian or Asian, tough to say which one exactly but probably in that general area. I think she told me once but it was probably during a Habs game.

Food time:

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Vietnamese Spring Rolls: This is why menu’s should have pictures. When I read vietnamese spring roll I pictured crispy, deep-fried deliciousness. Not healthy, cilantro-demon-weed filled, human skin wrapped, fresh rolls. STEEEEEEERIKE ONE! (They actually weren’t bad though…love me some peanut sauce)

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Butter Chicken: I know if you’re writing a food blog you should be adventurous and try different things. So maybe always getting butter chicken is a little boring. But I doubt we have too many people reading this swill for our food critiques. And we fuckin’ love Butter Chicken! I caught Carla snorting a line of it when I got back from the bathroom, but it was cool because I only went to the bathroom to mainline some butter chicken. The meat was a touch dry but who gives a care.

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Hakka Chili Chicken: I still don’t entirely know what to make of this dish. We ran the full gambit of emotions on this one.

E: What do you think?
C: Too spicy.
E: Yeah it’s not bad though. (Picking at it)
C: I can’t eat it.
E: That sucks. (YES! More for me sucka!)
C: I guess I’ll just eat more of the butter chicken.
E: Yeah that’s not going to happen.
C: What? Why not?
E: Not my fault you can’t handle the heat.
C: HANDLE THIS HEAT BITCH!

Then Snarla threw the bubbling hot pot of delicious butter chicken in my face and it was all captured on security cam.

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Gulab Jamun: So that put a bit of a damper on the evening but we still got dessert. Carla called me out because when I ordered the Gulab Jamun I kind of had an Indian accent when I said it. Try saying that shit without accidentally putting an accent in there, not easy is it? These are like Indian timbits served piping hot and floating in syrup. I only had a small bite though, because 1.) as you may remember Carla burned my face off which kind of dampened my appetite, and 2.) you may also remember that Carla is an unrelenting, unsharing, eating machine hell-bent on starving our planet.

Score time:

Spring Rolls: 45 goggles that do nothing out of 67
Butter Chicken: 68 lava faces out of 81
Hakka Chili Chicken: 59 New Zealand Rugby Team’s out of 79
Gulab Jamun: 47 napalm donuts out of 58

Sutra scores a 219/285. But we’re going to bump that score up 15 points to a 234/285 because they have a solid Groupon offer. Happy Friday everyone, enjoy the weekend!

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