Jamasian persuasion

OH HAY! Happy Friday everyone – it’s almost the weekend and we all know what that means…two whole days of damp, cold, dark days on the couch, watching your gut creep over your waistband while you try to muster up the energy to shave or pleasure yourself. Don’t pretend like it’s not true.

But last week Carla and I fought back against the winter blues. We decided it was high time for another FLHB post. So Snarls got a strong prying board and managed to wedge me out of my couch groove, then she got me a tub of luke warm water, some Mr. Clean and a rag on a stick so I could bathe myself.

We discussed where to go. I felt we should choose a place that reflected both of our respective cultures. So we chose Patois – a Jamaican Asian fusion restaurant. Oh and I’m going to try and remember to include prices from now on.


The Grub:


Jamaican Patties: ($7) Sometimes Carla will go across the street at work and get fried chicken at this Jamaican place Ritz. And sometimes I’ll say “hey can you grab me a Jamaican pattie?” And sometimes she’ll respond “maybe you could waddle over there and get one yourself?” And sometimes we won’t talk to each other for the rest of the day. Well this wasn’t like that. These were two delicious beef patties with Sriracha and a cheese sauce. Like most beef patties, they were simple, yet ultimately delicious.


Kimchi Pot Stickers: ($11) Often I ponder to myself – “what’s in a name?” Why is it that certain letters, in a certain order just sound more appetizing than others? Pot stickers. Why does that just sound like something I’d like to eat, and Carla would like to inhale? Now these ones in particular…were just okay. Carla wasn’t a big fan but I thought they were alright. Cooked well but a little bland. Oh and while we’re on the subject, I’m about to blow your minds with the least appetizing two-word combo on the planet. You ready for this? Continental Breakfast.


Fried Chicken: ($12/Half order) Here’s a true story with fried chicken as the hero. My ol’ pal Colin (the one with the nice bum) witnessed this at an airport in Houston recently. The attendant at security was a boisterous African American man who was having a heck of a lot of fun with people in line. A lady came up with a particularly heavy bag and he complained in a jovial manner about the strain of lifting the bag and that he would need a piece of chicken to recover. The lady then asked him if he would like a piece of chicken. He said “why yes I would!” She then pulled a piece of fried chicken out of her bag and handed it over. Needless to say he was pleased! Now if that piece of fried chicken was as crispy, juicy, and thickly coated as the fried chicken at Patois, then that security man went home happy. When it comes to fried chicken…I believe Dave Chappelle said it best.

The score:

Jamaican Patties: 745 cold shoulder‘s out of 985

Pot Stickers: 648 muffin and some cantalope’s out of 994

Fried Chicken: 1145 true hollywood story’s out of 1357

Patois scores a respectable 2538/3336. Next time I’ll ditch the dead weight (Carla) and get the jerk chicken since I’m not a giant asian baby and I can actually handle the heat. Happy Friday all…and to all a good fight.



  1. Kris · November 28, 2014

    surprised with your review. Visited Patoir during it’s opening and wasn’t really happy with the food. However, when a chef comes to each table to visit… that kinda PR would bring a girl back. Back with Eric to try the Jerk Chicken!


    • Foot Long Hot Blog · November 28, 2014

      I think maybe I’m an easy target Kris…

      But the fried chicken was actually very good. The pot stickers just so-so and the jamaican patties were very good but also I think jamaican patties are super easy to make? So maybe our sample size wasn’t big enough. Should have gotten the jerk…


  2. Tallin · November 29, 2014

    Why did Dave chappelle have to let the world know about juice? That shit was ours. He can keep his purple drink.


  3. Lex · December 4, 2014

    Ugh. Nick and I still have yet to try!!!


    • Foot Long Hot Blog · December 4, 2014

      Probably because he’s too busy doing his promotional tour for the upcoming hit comedy “The Interview”, starring himself and Seth Rogan. In theatres Christmas Day. Viewer discretion is advised.


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