Carla Sutra

Recently a fine young friend of mine sent me an interesting article on Lockheed’s bold announcement that they’re working on a fusion reactor that could be ready for commercial use in as little as 10 years. Now what the hell does this have to do with a stupid food blog and Carla’s bottomless pit of a stomach? Well for this week’s post we went to Sutra…an Indian/Asian FUSION restaurant!

Probably my best intro yet. Anyhoo, Sutra is a small restaurant on Roncesvalles with one very key feature…they offer a Groupon. Don’t judge, I have a hardcore Salvia addiction and that shit ain’t cheap. Carla was pretty excited about this one – my guess is because she is either Indian or Asian, tough to say which one exactly but probably in that general area. I think she told me once but it was probably during a Habs game.

Food time:

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Red Meat in Red Lake

So for the second time in two posts…we’d like to offer our apologies. We missed our Friday time-slot yet again. So we’ll be doing two posts this week to make up for lost time. The reason for our tardyness? Carla and I were sent on a fairly last minute project for work to the very beautiful Red Lake, Ontario. So we decided while we’re there…why not do an FLHB post on the top ranked restaurant in Red Lake – Antonio’s.

Red Lake is a small gooooooooooooold mining town of about 5,000 people in Northern Ontario. Their chief imports are small Filipino girls that fuel the local economy with their food intake. Their chief exports are small Filipino girls that decimate the local moose population with their food intake.

Speaking of moose here’s a fun little story. Our cab driver upon arrival was a local named Glen. Glen was fantastic in so many ways. I expressed to him my hopes of seeing some local wildlife. So as we approached our hotel Glen says “oh there’s a moose up here on the right!” I didn’t see anything. He then pointed at a giant red moose-shaped stain on the side of the road. Apparently a moose had been struck and killed by a truck the night before. Thanks Glen.

Onto the food:

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Pho-King Delicious!

First off Carla and I would like to apologize. We’ve had a two week hiatus and that’s not fair to our loyal followers. I think at least 2…maybe even 3 of you have reached out.

“Where the post this week?”
“Actually funny story, you see work’s been pretty crazy because we-”
“-I don’t care. Oh and shut up.”

Well I don’t think that’s very nice, but regardless, we bring you a new post. We actually went to this week’s spot a fortnight ago, but the deliciousness is still fresh in our memory. Ladies and gentleman, the reptile…the legend…Golden Turtle.

The Phood:

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Cheese & Chong

Happy Friday everyone! It’s not April 20th… but it is September 26th. AKA 926 AKA nueve veintiseis – which as we all know is the police code in Mexico for smoking medical marijuana in a grilled cheese lounge. Hence in honor of this rebellious holiday Carla and I visited “Get Melted” – Church street’s very own grilled cheeserie/weed lounge.

Due to time constraints this week we had to go at lunchtime during work hours. So I did the ordering for both Carla and I since I know what’s up.

E: “Hey dude, what’s crackin?”
Server: “Um…not much, what can I get you?”
E: “Gonna get a couple of them grilled cheeses, but umm….(looking around suspiciously)…hold the devil’s lettuce.” (wink)
Server: “Huh?”
E: “Yeah man. No ‘Boo Boo Bama’ on my sama if ya dig?
Server: “I hate you.”

As we waited for our food Snarla pretended not to know me while I tried to scavenge off other patrons. I had barely even hit it when our sustenance arrived.

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F**k me!? No fuku!

I apologize for the title, but I just couldn’t resist. If you’re offended at all, then just go read up on the current state of the NFL for ten minutes, then come back and my headline won’t seem so bad after all.

So who’s already guessed where we went? Oh you did, did you? Bet you think you’re pretty smart? Well you know what fuku! Let’s see how many times I can use that same joke in one post. Yeah we went to Momofuku noodle bar.

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Drinkin’ Boots

Happy Friday y’all. Thanks for mosey’in on over to these parts for a l’il look at what we got’ter say. Ugh terrible sentence, sorry about that, I’ll stop. But it did have a purpose. It was to introduce this week’s stop on FLHB.

First off a question: maybe I’m alone in this, but when you watch a Western style movie don’t the bars always look like fantastic places to drink? Lots of tables and big open spaces for playing poker and smashing a chair across someone’s face. That’s part of the reason I was excited to go to “The Local” – a new bar/restaurant in Liberty Village. It has a touch of that ‘saloon’ look to it, and part of me was hoping that a giant bar fight would start so I’d get to throw Carla through a window.

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Beef-fed Grass

I have returned from the promised land…aka Florida. Where 5 beers at a bowling alley will run you about $8.50. Where you can cram your craw with $2 Big Mac’s every Monday. And where the dollar menus flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

However bathing in alcohol and grease for 6 days has its downsides. Who knew? Well apparently Carla…
C: “So Florida was fun?”
E: “It was awesome! Oh man everything’s so cheap there, it’s crazy they-“
C: “-you got fat.”

For this week’s post we gave my waist line a break, and went somewhere a little different. Our selection was especially unique for Carla who was raised on a steady diet of meat in a meat sauce with a side of meat and a nice tall, cool glass of meat to wash it all down.

So we decided to go to the most unhealthy vegan restaurant we could find. Buckle up as FLHB visits The Hogtown Vegan on Bloor.

We got:

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Bamos a la Playa…Cabana

Hola! Feliz Viernes! Como esta senors y senoritas? Three months of spanish lessons and that’s about the extent of my learning. Oh well, that’s better than Carla I guess…she’s Mexican and can’t even speak a single word of her native tongue!

I have a flight to Florida that leaves in 7 hours so let’s not waste time. While you’re reading this I’ll be playing golf in 40 degree heat and suffering from a severe condition with an unfortunate name. But I digress. How about we talk tacos? That’s right this week Snarls and I are posting about Barrio Coreano – one of the Playa Cabana restaurants.

Carla and I were both pumped because we’re on the same page when it comes to Mexican food. Except for one thing…cilantro. Pardon my Spanish but el cilantro es el DIABLO! I FUCKIN HATE IT! This is when all you jackasses who love it jump in with your fancy “oh my goodness how can you hate it, cilantro accentuates the flavours and…” blah blah blah shut up. You’re dumb. It makes everything taste like soap and I wish I had my own country that I ruled with an iron fist, where people would do my bidding while I sat on a great throne and just laughed and laughed all day long. Oh and cilantro would be banned.

So I told our waitress I didn’t like cilantro. She said no problem. Here’s the food!

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Swine & Cheese

Good morning! Before we start I’d just like to apologize for not posting last week. Time got the best of me and before I knew it I was snoring away at a cottage in Beaverton, Ontario, and spooning with 10 other early 30’s males at a bachelor party for my ol’ pal Nick.

Ok on to more important business. Bacon. Yeah I said it. Charla and I decided to hit up “Bacon Nation” at Queen and Spadina. They got their start as a popular food truck and blended into a restaurant as well.
Now as we all know, Snarla is an unrelenting eating machine sent back in time from the year 2029 to help rid the world of their rice overpopulation problem. However when it comes to bacon she’s not gaga. But I am. I’ve used this link before but I love it and it’s so damn applicable. Bacon is incredible on its own, plus when it’s combined with pretty much any other food you see a significant improvement. But I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, so let’s get to the food.
Here’s what we got:
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